I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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