He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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