and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
