I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
