that's an acceptable place to lick
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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