My balls are so social today.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My feet surprised me
Randomize
