New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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