The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My vagina just recognized that song.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
