i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
