she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
