I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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