One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Someone shit on the floor
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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