Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
