If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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