bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
