i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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