If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
