why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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