o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
