Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
