I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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