When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
