Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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