when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
