He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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