You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
