she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
