i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
