they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
