So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
