I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
