on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
