I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
