oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
