I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
