normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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