And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
