Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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