Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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