I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
