I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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