My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
