hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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