You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
