What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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