i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
