It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
