Non-Jews are for practice
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
