you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
