so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
