how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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